I just cant go....

So here it is, my flight is tomorrow at 13h15- confirmed.. and I even chose my movies and books I want to see and read during those 9hours of flight.. but.

but...

but I am NOT going anywhere...
seriously, instead of packing my suitcase now Im sitting at the window and I just cant go there..
I just cant..

its not even the flight that stops me from going (as I said- ticket is booked and I can have alcohol on board so my "illness" can be easily cured..), its not even the fact that I still dont know what Im going to wear at the rehearsal dinner....

I just cant go because of my great university:

I still dont know my final result of my essay and I just cant be in the other country when this decision is being made..
what if I made a mistake in my application form and they will refuse me??
what if instead of "Mademoiselle" I put "Madame" and they would ask me to show them specific documents that I am married??(I am not... so see the first "what if")
what if they just want to call me for no reason but once they learn Im in States they will feel soo jalous so they will refuse my application??
what if I got into and I won't be the first person to learn that???
what if....
what if....

and Im still terrified by planes...

Me the Brilliant

I just got the grades from my exams:
my average is high.. the highest I ever got while being in Paris..

now all I need to do is to wait for my last and the most important grade:

my thesis grade.

keep on rocking!!!

I am sitting in a bar with my laptop wishing to check some things for my huge summer plans.. with my boyfriend we want to make a trip: Paris- Bruxelles- Berlin- Krakow- Warsaw- Gdansk- Gothenborg- Stockholm- Paris. all in 3weeks. I think it is possible..

so anyway, we are sitting in this fancy bar that looks like if you were on a construction field and its next to Canal St.Martin and everyone wants to be there. There are some preparation for a new exhibition on rock concerts that would take place soon.

and I think its a mark of our times:
people prefer, instead of going to a real concert, go to a bar and scream and jump in front of a huge screen on the wall...

holidays

I am on holidays. I can sleep as much as I want to, I can watch as many series as I want to... basically I can do whatever I want to! but..

..but instead of being happy and relaxed I am all stressed and annoyed and angry and impatient (but stressed so this whole waiting thing does not work for me well)...

why?

1. my teeth are aching... it has been a week and I already want to kick this machine out of my mouth!!!and the worst is that is supposed to hurt!! it means it is working... but it hurts... and I can not even reduce the pain to go back to previous pressure level because I am still on level 0..

2. my flatmate...

3. the weather...

4. the neighbour... usually he is just a random alcoholic.. now he discovered passion in his life and he is redecorating his apartment.. loudly...

5. my university... there is no point of going there because noone knows when they will give us our results...

6. the vision of overseas flight that lasts 9hours... I am already panicking when it takes 1h5...

7. people at my university..

8. people in general...

9. internet and websites with TV series for buffering for ages...


From good things though

- I bought my shoes for the wedding


- with my boyfriend we are going to listen to Radiohead at Bercy next Tuesday:)