comment ça va?

a quarter of the century.

2008-11-07T10:19:00.003+01:00

I am known on both sides of the ocean for not being able to wake up in the morning. I am sleeping through all the alarm clocks that might be left 5cm from my ear.. I will still ignore them and go on sleeping. When I have to catch a flight at 6am, every time I am considering sleeping at the airport. It happened that I almost missed my train to Brussels because of my sleep.
That what the kind of person I was for the last 25years.

but this night something has changed. I went to sleep at 1am and I woke at 6h30. Fresh and ready for the coming day. I was suspicious at the beginning that my boyfriend made me some stupid joke and changed the hour on every clock in the house but then it hit me...

at 3h00 am officially I became 25years old. It is a quarter of the century.

It is time to behave like a grown up. It is time to wake up in the morning and read a newspaper with a morning coffee. And morning coffee means really "in the morning" and not "the first coffee I drunk after I woke up".

and of course there are still some gifts to open:)
I love having birthdays!

choices..?

2008-07-04T14:31:00.002+02:00

When I was in Chicago I got email from Euroculture program that I am accepted.
When I came back to Paris I got email from Sorbonne that I am accepted.

So now it is a question of choice.. but it is not a difficult one:

I am staying in Paris next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got accepted everywhere I applied to!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now I might consider thinking of me as a smart person..:D

I just cant go....

2008-06-14T15:44:00.003+02:00

So here it is, my flight is tomorrow at 13h15- confirmed.. and I even chose my movies and books I want to see and read during those 9hours of flight.. but.

but...

but I am NOT going anywhere...
seriously, instead of packing my suitcase now Im sitting at the window and I just cant go there..
I just cant..

its not even the flight that stops me from going (as I said- ticket is booked and I can have alcohol on board so my "illness" can be easily cured..), its not even the fact that I still dont know what Im going to wear at the rehearsal dinner....

I just cant go because of my great university:

I still dont know my final result of my essay and I just cant be in the other country when this decision is being made..
what if I made a mistake in my application form and they will refuse me??
what if instead of "Mademoiselle" I put "Madame" and they would ask me to show them specific documents that I am married??(I am not... so see the first "what if")
what if they just want to call me for no reason but once they learn Im in States they will feel soo jalous so they will refuse my application??
what if I got into and I won't be the first person to learn that???
what if....
what if....

and Im still terrified by planes...

Me the Brilliant

2008-06-10T11:36:00.003+02:00

I just got the grades from my exams:
my average is high.. the highest I ever got while being in Paris..

now all I need to do is to wait for my last and the most important grade:

my thesis grade.

keep on rocking!!!

2008-06-07T18:18:00.003+02:00

I am sitting in a bar with my laptop wishing to check some things for my huge summer plans.. with my boyfriend we want to make a trip: Paris- Bruxelles- Berlin- Krakow- Warsaw- Gdansk- Gothenborg- Stockholm- Paris. all in 3weeks. I think it is possible..

so anyway, we are sitting in this fancy bar that looks like if you were on a construction field and its next to Canal St.Martin and everyone wants to be there. There are some preparation for a new exhibition on rock concerts that would take place soon.

and I think its a mark of our times:
people prefer, instead of going to a real concert, go to a bar and scream and jump in front of a huge screen on the wall...

holidays

2008-06-03T14:34:00.003+02:00

I am on holidays. I can sleep as much as I want to, I can watch as many series as I want to... basically I can do whatever I want to! but..

..but instead of being happy and relaxed I am all stressed and annoyed and angry and impatient (but stressed so this whole waiting thing does not work for me well)...

why?

1. my teeth are aching... it has been a week and I already want to kick this machine out of my mouth!!!and the worst is that is supposed to hurt!! it means it is working... but it hurts... and I can not even reduce the pain to go back to previous pressure level because I am still on level 0..

2. my flatmate...

3. the weather...

4. the neighbour... usually he is just a random alcoholic.. now he discovered passion in his life and he is redecorating his apartment.. loudly...

5. my university... there is no point of going there because noone knows when they will give us our results...

6. the vision of overseas flight that lasts 9hours... I am already panicking when it takes 1h5...

7. people at my university..

8. people in general...

9. internet and websites with TV series for buffering for ages...

From good things though

- I bought my shoes for the wedding

- with my boyfriend we are going to listen to Radiohead at Bercy next Tuesday:)

Application anxiety

2008-05-30T18:42:00.002+02:00

today at 15h45 I have sent the first application-

Poland and Sweden: Euroculture program.

and I made a mistake in it..

changes..

2008-05-27T14:22:00.002+02:00

So I came back to Krakow for almost two weeks and I finally got the reason why I shouldn't have stayed so long.

At first, everything looked quite OK, my family happy, my friends wanting to meet me, my boyfriend texting me about how much he misses me- perfect. But while days were passing by all those people seemed to getting used to me being around and this whole "woow my friend from Paris came to Krakow for a while" thing faded away... I looked more tired, less glamour and in general worse. and then we went to my grandmother for a dinner.

We are sitting at the table and I've noticed that my dad is looking way to carefully on my face.. and then he spoke:

baby, I think your teeth are not straight... maybe we should do something about it?

what???huh???my what???not what???excuse me???and then one thought:
FORGET ABOUT BRACES!!!!Im 25 for heaven's sake! Im too old to have to struggle with my low self confidence plus new shiny braces! and what about my boyfriend??what about my sex life??what about???OH MY GOD!!I cant go back to Paris with braces!!!its PASSE!! you just dont wear them anymore...

but my dad decided, I need to see a specialist so she can decide whether I should wear braces or not.. so I went and I used all my charm and smile (not too wide though), I even tried to bribe her.. nothing...

today at 17h30 I am going to try my new... I cant even say that...
the good thing is that I will not wear braces, its something different, something that I can take out.. for few hours...
the bad thing is that I should not make breaks longer than 8hours and that my "treatment" will last at least one year...

me staying somewhere longer

2008-05-21T00:05:00.003+02:00

My friends told me
that I can not really stay long in Krakow anymore,
that if it happens that I can stay more than 5days I will always find some places to go to visit someone else..

I do not think I quite agree on that matter.

Only because I am going tomorrow to Warsaw to see my cousin and then to Breslau to meet my friend from a highschool makes me a person who has to move all the time??after all, when I come back from Krakow, I will be in Paris whole two weeks before I fly to Chicago...

I went to see a head doctor- she told me that I just need to relax and all this dizziness will go away.. after I told her why I might be a bit stressed recentely, she gave me some pills*...

Untill mid- july, I guess I am officially on drugs:D

*at least I thought they were pills, it seemed way more dramatic, when I went to the pharmacy i realized it was just some liquid medicament to ease my headaches:D

Ziutek...

2008-05-18T13:33:00.002+02:00

yesterday at night my brother's rat Ziutek died..
maybe I was not the biggest fan of... it... but still, house seems a bit too quiet without Ziutek..

but knowing my brother, he will buy something even more gross and scary for those few days Im staying in Krakow...

drinking vodka is like riding a bike..

2008-05-18T11:41:00.005+02:00

So I came back on Friday and almost straight from the airport I went to a surprise birthday party of my best friend.. I was actually also part of this surprise as I usually live in Paris and I miss all the occasions like this, pretty depressive as it comes to think of it.. but hey, my choices:)
anyway, I came to see my friends on Friday and on Saturday and here are some good things about not living in Krakow:

1. you get compliments- I mean always !!

-if you loose on weight your friends will be pleased to announce me that I have never looked better in my life
-if you put on weight, the same friends (now mostly guys) would say that my tits have never looked better in my life

you see?always a compliment:)

2. you get full gossip package, you dont have to fool around for weeks to hear every hairy detail of the story of why she doesnt talk with her and when the other has started to sleep with that guy and why the first hates the third one and because of which guy.. you get it all well served with some starters and dessers in some comments on the case.

3. you can talk rubbish and drink vodka like a debutant and they will all love you and cherish you because its more important that you have stayed alive in this country of wine and frogs than the fact that you dont drink vodka as you used to.

4. you get to meet people you have not met for really long time, exemple?

more than two years ago I went to Iceland, where among other things I met my boyfriend, on my way to and from I stopped in London to visit my friend- yesterday we met, after more that two years and now there is this thing about loosing on weight and all that:

he did not recognize me

I think this stay in Krakow is going to be....

LEGE......

wait for it...

NDARY!!!!

LEGENDARY!!!!

YES! YES! YES!

2008-05-15T16:44:00.002+02:00

And now officially I am on holidays:)

I am soo tired so with my boyfriend we have decided to start drinking a bit later.. first we need some sleep... and I think especially my boyfriend.. after all he had read all my essay last night and if you ask me I would not recomend it as the best before-go-to-bed lecture..

but its done, and my boyfriend did not decide to leave me and my essay alone...

so CHEERS!!!!

/in a few hours.../

today?tomorrow?

2008-05-14T11:46:00.003+02:00

Tomorrow at 15h00 I start to drink.. with a small pause for the flight on Friday afternoon. Im coming to Krakow!!!!
Tomorrow at 14h30 I turn in my last paper...
at 12h00 I turn in my main paper, the one that I hate soo much right now and that I dont want to see nor read until the end of may... the one that will decide if I can go on with my studies in Paris or not...
its pretty stressy but...

everything will happen tomorrow and today?
Today I have the last exam, I need to turn in one paper and finish my conclusion part...

and tomorrow....

:)

/I can go on like this for ages, actually I've been doing that since I started to stress myself about my future.... so today.... as tomorrow..../

I will never get bored with this city...

2008-04-07T00:20:00.001+02:00

Paris surprised me again:

today, at midnight it started to snow....

cookies, kitchen and unusual personality of mines..

2008-04-06T21:55:00.006+02:00

I dont cook. at all. and that is the hard part of living without my mum or stable- high income. Every time when I tell myself: "today I will cook myself a nice dinner" I end up in some fast-food restaurant, what can I say,

I can not cook.

Few months ago, I went to the university, only to discover that some jerks decided in the name of all of us that we should block university and go on strike. I came back to my apartment, furious as hell, with bags full of food and other things..

that was the first time in my life when I baked cookies.

my boyfriend loved them..

..after I showed him the proper way of eating them (put them in the coffee so they are no longer hard like a rock and you can actually feel some taste of a honey I put inside). and after all he is my boyfriend right?I mean spending two years together obliges you to some casual lie like
"uhm.. honey.. I can really feel honey taste in your cookies!!"..

It was one-day-stand, if I may say...

yesterday I was browsing through some receipes on the internet and believe me or not:
I realized that I had all the ingredients in my place... that I bought... me.. noone else...

so this time I made muffins..

they were hard and the best way of eating them was with butter...

when my boyfriend came, he discovered the mistery of my weird bakery effects:

I was using baking powder... but for bread...

things to do.. (part two)

2008-03-30T12:28:00.004+02:00

...as i have found ticket to Chicago for a decent price so now..

1. I need to find those money, fast.

...as I came back from Italy with my face burnt:

2. I need to get rid of it.. colour not face....

from other news I think the winter and horrible weather is over as for the first time this year I bought some carrots.. and also I am eating them as my supper..
last year my diet lasted for about 2days..

Plan for upcoming hours

2008-03-20T16:12:00.002+01:00

Im going to Italy this saturday.. officialy at the university Im saying "but its Easter!I cant spend it without my family!!" off the record?We are going to ski our asses off:)(as my boyfriend says), so I need to prepare myself.. even though it is my brother that brings all my important things from Poland (like skiing trousers, jacket, gloves.. and so on) I need to take some things with me from here.. and I need to prepare this place for my flatmate who comes back from the hospital next week. so here is what I need to do in following hours:

1. mail my brother with the exact instructions what he should take with him for me (including the exact colour of my skiing t-shirts)
2. mail my tutour with the plan of my experiment for my final essay or however you call it
3. come up with some ideas for my plan
4. clean the bathroom- my flatmate was having a boy for a week in our place (I was staying at my boyfriend's place at that time) so the bathroom.. well I will need a beer before even starting..
5. clean the kitchen... now its me who is mostly responsible for its state.. I was having a party last night.. me, chips, beer and Gilmore Girls..
6. pack my bag with things I need to take from Paris..
7. find everything I can about the britishness in '90 and its representation in the movies..
8. write an essay about it wouldn't be a bad idea..

all that is to be done before 10h30 tomorrow morning as that is when I leave my place and I would be back only to pick up my bag in late evening..

I think I will have a beer now.. from good news though: I got back my passport this morning with a brand new visa inside..
so I guess:
9. find a cheap ticket to Chicago...

how to screw up your visa application

2008-03-19T12:16:00.004+01:00

1. you can forget that the photo they are asking you for, has a specific requirements and end up running for hours looking for a photographer who can actually do it and do it in 10minutes.
2. you can wake up too late and still without The Application form printed.
3. you can stand in a line at the post office due to some technical problems with computers- its 9h15 and you still need to print out those forms not mentioning getting to the Consulate( where you should be at 10h00)
4. you can wait at the internet cafe for like 20min because stuff had their cigarette brake.
5. you can get lost at montparnasse metro station.

After I finally got into the Consulate I had really pleasant conversation with a girl while taking my finger prints:
-ooooh.. you want to go to Chicago??Im coming from Chicago!!

(first points for me!)

then second conversation(this time with a guy, while checking if those fingerprints are really mine):

-you prefer english or french?(tricky question, huh?i almost answered: well im more into swedish guys, no offence..:)
me(hesitating): english
-ooh, good (another point for me)
me: (smile)
-so what are you doing in Paris?
me: studying, having fun.. I love this place so much that I want to come back.. for sure:)
-ok. you should get back your passeport with visa in two days.

I am going to USA this june!!!:)

women's day

2008-03-08T21:05:00.003+01:00

Today I was walking my boyfriend to the metro station, before my work and suddenly I looked at him and said:
- its funny, its the first time when I spend this day and I didnt even get any single flower.. usually it was at least my dad who was buying me one.. or my boyfriend if I had one.. or some friends...

and I looked mysteriously above the horizont...
my boyfriend just said:
well, maybe its time to start a new tradition then...

jalousy

2008-03-07T10:56:00.002+01:00

this morning I woke up and I saw that there is something wrong with my phone.. after few seconds I realized that the battery wasnt charged!After another close inspection I understood that this is the moment when I should change my phone. As I have lots of points on my account(ekhm... ) I can get pretty much every phone I wish...
but..
here is the problem, I need to pick up my phone carefully as if my boyfriend is hardly jalous about anyone there is this "thing" about phones, cameras, computers... everything that you first check on the web and then you go to one shop and then to another to compare prices and then again on the web.. and in the end you buy something great but still leaving some space for unreachable.. and the story continues...

If I dare to have better phone than he has...
there might be a problem later...

things to do.. (part one)

2008-03-07T00:17:00.004+01:00

the invitation is official and "this summer" means june..

I think its a high time to start doing some sport again.. I mean june is not that far away after all:)

problem

2008-03-06T12:13:00.002+01:00

so I got invited to a wedding.. this summer.. the thing is that I need to go to USA to celebrate this moment with my friend.. so here is the problem:

1. how fast can I get visa?
2. where can I find almost 1000euros for two-ways ticket?

anyway the email said: "this summer" and "im sure you cant come".. well.. I guess I will need to wait for an official invitation to start sell out all my belongings...

and oh no!I have no idea what to wear!!!!

nicknames

2008-03-03T17:12:00.003+01:00

When I came to Paris.. some time ago, my biggest naightmare was to..

yes of course telling my phone number in french like a normal person, meaning: forty four eighty nine ninety seven and not four... four.. eight.. eee... nine nine... seven.. (for those who are not familiar with the french system of counting I just want to say that after 60 you dont really know how to count anymore.. if you want to say that you have seventy boxes you will say that you have sixty and ten boxes.. instead of eighty you say four twenty.. and so on and so on...

but

my biggest nightmare was to tell my email adress because of my weird nickname in it. basically it has no sense in France and all those consonants together r d z.. it was horrible for my friends and mysterious for me.. I mean I felt so mysterious:)and then one day I was spelling my email adress to another person and some girls were standing next to me. When I finished one of them (later I have discovered that she was polish born in France and that she spoke polish fluentely) smiled and said:

"its so smart, its just your last name and the first name put together.. so smart!" and she left..

and I felt like something precious was taken from me. My mystery is gone.. I think I should buy some sunglasses to at least hide my eyes.. being mysterious is not that easy in this multilingual world anymore..

THE reason to go out..

2008-02-29T22:34:00.006+01:00

Its Friday night and one would think: why the hell stay at home instead of going out?
there is plenty of reasons why the second option is better:

1.its Friday night
2. Im young and I can afford a beer in a french bar (just one and small one but still)
3. you cannot smoke anymore in a bar so in the end you smoke much less (healthy..)
4. I passed all my exams and I got pretty good grades (not that Im showing off or anything..)
5. I work at 15h00 so I have time to sleep this one small beer over...

so Im going out but none of the reasons above is my reason to go out.

Im going out because nurses and interns in the hospital that is in front of my window organized a party...

and I cant stand their taste of music nor singing skills.

So instead of calling the police (I have full right to do it as
a. its a hospital*- not a disco club
b. its after 22h00
c. I can always demand my human right of going to sleep early)

I have decided to feel mercy for them and
well I am going out.

thats the fighting spirit, huh?

*but Im serious here, I am worried when they are doing that..yes, it is not the first time.. can you immagine being in a hospital and NOT being able to find anyone because the Main Nurse is singing that she will survive and the others are following her with :baaaa paraaa bapaaa parararara baaa and clapping their hands...????

music

2008-02-24T22:45:00.009+01:00

I was walking in Paris few days ago (yes, it happens to me quite a lot as I think that metro stinks.. sorry) and suddenly I realized that I passed by already 3 guys who were singing. I mean singing in their own private way, not mental-scary that makes you willing to be somewhere else.. now:) It was even cute. But when I walked and I saw a policeman singing I realized that its just a period when Star Academy or La Nouvelle Star open their gates for all those who wish to become famous. I have nothing against, I love Star Academy! It saved me last year when I moved to Paris and I lived on 15m2, on 6th floor and I didnt know anyone, apart from my boyfriend. Which meant that Friday nights I was at home, locked with some fastfood and tv... and Fridays are those days when la StarAc scheduled their "finals". I was a huge fan of all of them, I think I missed only few (including the final final but thats not the point). It was mine and new. I could watch other people trying to look cool instead of thinking that I left all my friends in Poland and that sometimes I wished I have never left my hometown. So while my friends were getting drunk in Krakow, I was discovering alone french music in Paris, only through music, I had no idea who was the original singer or why this song is so important in France (apart from Edith Piaf's songs). I was so lost in speaking/understanding media french that I wasnt even able to pick up the name of the song that I liked.
now I live on second floor, with a flatmate, I meet people and I dont have tv. But some songs from those Fridays stayed in me and I was looking here and there trying to find them. And then! I read a book called "Hell" by Lolita Pille, normally not even worth mentioning here but.. thanks to that book I finally discovered The Song:
"avec le temps" by Leo Ferre.
and then finally... I could finally listen to it, at home, in bed and just cherish the moment but..
I got the original version and.. I simply dont like it! Quickly I have found the version made by Marina from last year's StarAc and everything came back to places..
because sad songs have to be sung in high tones!*
and most of the male singers, they just simply dont have it.. I am not a specialist in music (and I shouldnt be, there is already one in my life) but I know what makes me cry.. and how it should be done..

It is the only song on my playlist at the moment and it goes and goes... and I feel calm..

Someone else is sad, again I dont have to think of me and my life..

*but now when I listen again to original version I think that low tunes are OK after all... Men know how to sing about suffering but... I mean, I think I just need more emotional version of this special song.. or Im just going to listen both, one after another...:)

being a woman

2008-02-21T18:18:00.004+01:00

Recentely I watched several new TV series and the most recent ones are as follow:

Californication (last Friday, pancakes, Despe, huge depression--> i made it in one evening)

Nip Tuck- going on right now.. I just can't really focus on this one, too much blood, too many niddles, too many operations...

but

the first one takes place in LA, the second one in Miami, and I really dont know why but in both ones, the first thing that you learn is that women wax their... bodies.. entirely..

the thing is.. I have never done that... so I have decided that it is the high time to become a Woman.. I went, I chose( yes.. normal bikini.. I mean.. there is something else??) I booked and I waited..

the Hour 0 came...

Me: can I just say before we start that it is my first time and.. ekhm.. well...
Lady: there is a lot of them?
Me (whispering): yes...
Lady: razor?
Me (totally red): allergic to it..
Lady(looking at me like at the monster): well have you ever done anything over there??
Me: well... I use sometimes a depilator, electric one..

silence.. she looked into my eyes and I saw huge RESPECT written all over her face..

30minutes later I left hairfree and more feminin than ever.

I have survived my first waxing session.

I wander what does it mean a "brazilian bikini"...

new quest

2008-02-20T19:01:00.000+01:00

my flatmate is out and probably won't be back before midnight or so I hope.. my boyfriend is busy being an artist so I have a new quest for tonight:

I want and I will discover how to change my blog.. meaning how to put my picture on it..:)

the truth

2008-02-10T21:46:00.000+01:00

ok.. so here is the truth, i hate this blog. I hate the way it looks like and i hate my disability of doing anything with it. Im not capable of changing ANYTHING... I dont know how to put my picture so there is still the old one where I still smoke and I have this lousy haircut.. I hate this blog and most of all I hate it because I am too lazy to write here..

so here it is... the truth.. but what the hell, maybe with new me, new attitude will come as well??

how to go on strike in Paris

2007-11-16T16:22:00.000+01:00

well first of all find a "hot subject", just look what Sarko wants to do and say "i dont agree!!".
then talk about it and then...
choose a day, its a crucial choice, it has to be in the middle of the week, lets say tuesday. then the hour, as said it has to be in the middle of the day. why?because at that specific moment you want to vote blocking university and most of the students who might be against.. well they will have classes:)
once you have done that just wait. You have 100% chances that this project will pass with almost 90%of support...

welcome to France, i dont have classes since Tuesday.. and noone knows when it might change...

coming back to blogosphere....

2007-10-12T22:49:00.000+02:00

since tuesday I have internet.. Ola has already started downloading things and I was thinking.. how about coming back to my blog?so here I am.. Im back:)

well, I guess Im back only to write down that its friday night and Im sitting with wine (no cigarettes- i stopped.. in pains...) in front of my laptop watching how fast can one episode of Desperate Housewives be downloaded.. and I find it really relaxing...

so by now Im busy but I guess from now on this blog will finally be what it was supposed to be..

cheers!

hobbies

2007-06-19T13:37:00.000+02:00

When I was 8, I went for a camp.. scout camp.. well ok, just immagine those small bastards in high socks and grey trousers, yup, that was me.. for about two weeks:) I even wanted to join them later but as in Poland you have two types of them, I never knew which one I was supposed to choose. It doesn't change the fact that during those two weeks for the first time I met someone with whom I really wanted to talk and holding hands and sing all those songs about the fireplace and friendship that you sing usually in the evening with a guitar.. what can I say, I met a guy...
my whole love story ended as fast as it has started.. I was 8 and he was something around 12 or even 13, oh my God!we saw each other at the breakfast, one fine morning and then I felt that the fact that he has green eyes as me has to mean something... finally when we all went for a walk I have realized that he was walking next to me and we were alone!which means that the others were more or less 1meter ahead.. and we started to talk.. and thats the moment when myy huge love evaporated.. we had normal talk about us and live which was more or less like this:

Him: soo.. we have the same color of eyes.. thats funny
Me: it is.. a lot:)so, what do you like to do, in general?
Him: I like singing (....yes.. he did...ooh...)
Me: me too!!!
Him: I like dancing too
Me: me too!!
Him: well.. but most of all I love reading books...

and that was the moment when my love was gone.. because instead of being amazed that I have found a soul mate and all that.. I was walking pissed off that it wasn't me who said about books first and that this idiot was stealing my hobbies and he had to think I was actually copying them from him!!so I just looked at him, into his lovely green eyes and said something about finding my brother.. and I left with heartbroken and huge depression that I really have to be a boring person...

since then I haven't changed that much, I guess.. I sing when noone hears me, I dance when noone sees me(unless I am in Krakow and I really don't care:)) and I read.. awfully lot...and it looks to me that my new hobby is to move...out... according to my latest plan I am coming back to Poland next year...

2007-05-19T15:58:00.000+02:00

alcohol as the best painkiller ever..

2007-05-19T09:27:00.000+02:00

I was thinking about coming back to Krakow all the time. I was supposed to have fun, to drink, to dance and in general to live like every normal person lives, unless you live in Paris. So I came to Krakow on thursday and after usual stuff like my dad not recognizing me at the airport or favourite dish for dinner I have decided that its the high time to go out. So I did. After an hour half of my face looked like a pampkin and I couldn't even think of touching my chin or play with my hair on the right side... well.. what the hell, alcohol makes miracles so before I have decided to proove this suspicious theory I called my mum to beg her to call my dentist. aaaah...

next day, small hangover, huge teeth problem- I cant open my mouth properly, properly which means wide enough to eat something. What the hell, my visit is in the evening, Im sure she will do something to make me feel better. I came, they made me an X-RAY and I was waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting... my dentist came, she looked at my X-RAY thing and only said:

monday, 10 in the morning...

I am going to have an operation. Did I mention how frighten I am when someone is talking about blood, cutting things.. people?Well, I am.. and I will be there alone, hopefully I won't feel anything, surely I won't see anything... but there is one small problem- I will hear everything. Im sure doctors have to have some kind of special language so patients don't always understand that they are actually going to die... I am terrified because I am already too everyone-has-a-secret-and-im-sure-they-want-to-hurt/kill/whatever-me person so even if they talk about new puppy that doctor's daughter bought, for me it will be more like "why the hell there is sooo much blood here".. basically I am not the best person to be operated..

But since yesterday I realized that once you say- they will cut me, you know, wisdom teeth(or whatever, I call them bastards) people or are making fun of it(mind you, you cant open your mouth to eat, you are not happy about it and trust me laughing in this stage of mouth is not the best thing to do)or are telling you about his aunt/grandma/dad/whoever who went to the hospital and they cheated/left scisors inside/ made him pay too much/treated like shit/operated wrong thing(the last one is my favourite). Among all my friends I think only really few said: it will be fine, dont worry..more beer?

so today I woke up again with huge hangover and my bastards still kicking..
the first thing I asked my mum was:

do you think one shot of vodka before 10am will do?

third day..

2007-05-14T16:03:00.000+02:00

as every woman in a specific age, every month i have "my days" which means that I suffer. and I suffer a lot. First two days i can't get out from my bed and the only thought I have is to die.. fast... but then third day arrives, and let me tell you: this is my favourite day of the month.

I cry.

I feel small and miserable. I am aware of my belly but most of all I can officially take my teddy and cry as much as I want. Yesterday was my day. My boyfriend had one of his "leave-me-alone" days so I switched off my phone and left to my friend to watch latest episodes of Desperate Housewives. I dont need much to cry, sometimes simple commercial is enough so, of course, I ended up sobbing over poor Mike's destiny and all that. I went home and I still felt that I didnt cry enough. The thing with me crying that day is that later I dont have to express my feelings that much. I can smile and be supportive. I can deal with other's problems and all that. But first I need my cry out day.. and this day arrived. So I was crying and crying, I was listening to Grzegorz Turnau, I was listening to old music from the times when I used to be in a radio.. and I was crying.. as usual I paid for that by sleepless night but it's always worth it after all.. I should wake up fourth day, after two hours of painful sleep and be ready to deal with coming week... but...

but today guy who was supposed to come and fix my shower doors didnt come. and he treated me as a huge idiot. and that was too much.. my third day is still going on and Im afraid it will go on until thursday when I will finally go home.

let me tell you a story...

2007-03-30T14:59:00.000+02:00

once upon a time.. or to be more specific last december I took as usual a shower. With wet hair and conditioner in my eyes(which means that I was almost blind and extremely... angry) I tried to get out. To my big surprise doors of the shower were blocked. As a real polish fighter I used my fist persuasion to leave my unexpected preason. Shocked, I called the owner that those doors are actually really blocking and that it wasnt previous renter's stupid immagination.. He promised to step by and fix it. While waiting I had to manage to enter to my shower by squeezing my body between blocked door, wall and a sink.. Mind you, my bathroom is ALMOST 1m2... huh... it was december...
Since that day I had to call the owner at least 4times, only to remaind him that he promissed to do smth. Then I had to spend two days waiting for two different guys to watch them while they were watching my bathroom.. seriously, every visit lasted more or less 5min but everyone was late at least an hour..
One sunny day my phone rung:
- hi, im calling from Leroy Merlin i will be at your place in5min to leave those doors.
me: but sir... im at the university right now and noone is at home so how want you to leave that?anyway, weren't you supposed to call me in advance?
- well i am. i will be there in 5min...

As you can guess doors were not delivered. He promissed to call me later to reschedule the delivery. Silence.
I still dont have new doors and the owner is forcing me to:

1. go to Leroy Merlin to ask about my doors. I went and they told me that doors were too big for my bathroom and that the owner should have received a mail about refunding his money.
2. call Leroy Merlin to ask about my doors. Apparantely after his visit at Leroy Merlin those doors are not too big anymore...

Normally it should be a company that takes care of their clients.
Normally it is the owner that takes care of his apartment and damages made by his mistake.
Normally I should go home and lie in bed with Ayn Rand and tea, instead I will call again Leroy Merlin to ask nicely about a delivery day.
Its 30th of march.......

how can we live without stereotypes?

2007-03-12T16:32:00.000+01:00

Being a foreigner in France can create sometimes situations.. specific ones:) The whole thing is about questions.. after all, there is no stupid questions, huh?sure.. there is not...

1. your parents, are they comunists?
2. Well... i know that you might dont like this name because you are polish.. but its really nice bar, you know? (we were heading to Politburo...:))
3. You aren't allowed to joke about Pope, are you?
4. You still think that Chopin was polish???
5. Listen, I wanted to apologize for II World War...I have found out yesterday what we have done to you...

But seriously, we are not any better. Honestely, how much do we know about other countries? We cry that French people are not interested in us.. we feel offended... but..

I remember when one day, in Krakow, students from Ukraine made a test to check how much an average polish student of journalism knows about his neighbour... More than 60% wasnt even able to name more than one city.. not mentioning information more detailed like religion or at least one writer..

We prefer to stay in a world made of stereotypes.. But when someone else does the same thing to us?
Well....

we can fight:) scream and feel shocked...

we can start to learn and discover other countries and their cultures..

we can also smile, light a cig and answer:

you know, war was over long time ago.. Anyway, dont feel sorry, we didnt take it personally...

oh yeah.. the world is made of absurd....

its so good to have people around you..

2007-03-07T14:04:00.000+01:00

Recentely i realized that is sooo good to have people around you.. especially strong people.. I mean, seriously, its great! They are strong; so by definition they deal with their problems and also with other's problems. When you are depressed you can call such person and you know for sure that you will get help.. that someone will listen to you, will find an answer for most of your questions.. you need someone who can come when you are depressed and just show that someone cares?call for a strong person, after all, why not?We are weak so its normal that someone stronger than us will take a charge of our life.. or at least of those few moments when we dont feel like thinking, when we dont feel like dealing with life, when we actually want just to feel depressed and left cheering us up to someone else...

but what if you are known to be a strong person?

well you risk that one day you will find yourself sobbing in your bed and listening to depressive music...

........alone.....

about moving out...

2007-03-06T10:42:00.000+01:00

It is normal that in a certain age people start to think of moving out from their parents. It is obvious and understandable. For me, the first time when i started my studies and i felt, oh God, so mature. My dad offered me a deal that i can pay him rent for my room instead. Of course i was shocked, destroyed, angry. I stayed.

Second time when the idea about moving out crossed my mind* was when i was finishing my studies and i was, oh God, more mature than most of my friends. I stayed again.

And then i moved out. Not only from my parents, not only from my home town. I moved out to another country, another culture, another reality. And, oh God, i so regret it....

Dont get me wrong, i dont intend to go back. At least not before i finish what i've started here. Its not even that i hate Paris or that i feel out of place. Not at all.. I feel great here(well, most of the time), i have friends here, i have my own life, i am with someone who loves me.. but its just a french version of my previous life.. Worse? different, thats for sure... and still i regret that i left Krakow... all those nights when i wont go out to the center... all those zapiekankas that i have to make on my own in a microwave... I regret that i thought that i was mature enough to live in France and when i did it, i realized that noone is never mature enough to change his life without regretting something...
the only thing i dont regret though, are those kilos that i've lost since i came here....

*actually it crossed more my exboyfriend's mind than mine, after all...

almost 6months..

2007-03-05T13:24:00.000+01:00

huh.. ok, so here i am, during my private lecture about blogs- it was me who was giving it and i had only one student:)- by accident i have created this thing.. i need to admit that i was thinking of it but... from words to deeds is a long long way.. anyway, by creating this blog i really prooved that it takes more or less 5min.. so i have a new blog:)its a bit crazy to continue it when i dont have acces to the internet at home and i dont have english dictionnary neither.. i'll try, it might be funny:)
why this title and not some other stuff like, all about me or i love bita smietana?well when you come to France, first thing you notice, except that they barely speak english, is this sacred:

salut, comment ça va?

i'll tell you one thing: they dont really care:) but you always have to answer:
oui oui ça va... et toi?

well.. even if you dont care.. :)i live here almost 6months and my only reaction to that is another question, after 20min of small talk: hey, but are you really sure you are ok?

im older than all my friends from university and they still call me la petite poulette, more or less small hen, isnt it cute?
welcome to my life, we will see if it looks funny only to me:)